Poke me
by Childishdetective
Summary: A crack fic my me and a friend. Naruto meets Harry potter...but whatever you do, DO NOT poke the Pillsbury Dough boy!o O


"So, you are all here for a very important mission."

Team Gai surrounded the hokage's desk, waiting further instruction.

"Anbu spies have recently reported a bright light in the sandstorm desert. They said it looked like some sort of..portal key. I need you all to go and check it out. But I warn you, take extra precaution. There have also been many dissapearences reported recently since the light appeared."

"No problem, lady-hokage! We will throughly inspect the area!" Lee said with a salute.

"Good. Now, get to work! I'm very busy."

"Okay team! Let's be off!" Gai ethusically exclaimed.

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In the sandstorm desert

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"So, where is it?" Tenten asked. "Neji?"

"I'm looking....Byakugan!" After a few moments Neji lead the team to their destination.

The sandstrom desert was just a vast plain of sand so it was very obvoius what they were looking for. A glowing ball of light in the middle of nothing was hard to miss.

"Watch out. Lady Tsuande said to stay back!" gai shounted to Neji who was still walking closer to the shining light.

"What?" He said, kneeling down beside it. "It's just a goblet...a really big goblet."

"Really?" lee asked, running up beside him. He inspected it. "He is right, it is just a goblet. No portal at all."

Tenten and Gai rushed over.

"Well, that was a waste of time." Tenten groaned.

"Okay, everyone on three we pick this up together! 1...2...3!"

The moment they touched it, light began to spin rapidly around them until everything was white. Then, everthing began to warp as if they were being dragged through a worm hole. Suddenly, it all stopped. They dropped, and landed with a thud on the forgeign ground.

"Oh...god...what the hell?" Neji moaned as he regained consciousness. He looked around, trying to clear his vision. and bringing his hand up towards his face his noticed something different...

"HOLY CRAP I'M 3 DIMENSIONAL!!!"

His other team members began to strir. "Neji...eat your mashed potatoes...mm..." Lee mumbled. Neji slapped his across the face. "Wake up, idot!"

"Neji! You're alive! And...you look different. Did you get a haircut?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you for noticing. But that's not the ISSUE here! Did you notice the backgrounds? They aren't crappily painted on by drunk artists anymore!"

"Oh...oh, OH MY GOD! GAI-SENSEI!"

"I know, Lee." Gai said, grabbing his arm. "My skin isn't made up of colors and pixels anymore...it's some sort of...SKIN! Wait, where's Tenten?"

"Oh, she just died in the portal thing when we landed here."

"Ah, whatever. She was just a crappy filler character anyways." Gai said.

"But you're a filler."

"Yeah, but I lead the team."

"I had a whole arc dedicated to me!" Lee exclaimed and flashed a sparkling smile. There was an awkward moment of silence.

"Yeah, well. whatever. I still don't know where the hell we are." Neji said.

"You guys are in the forbidden forest, which is strictly forbidden!" a jolly fat man with a unruly brown beard said. Neji, Lee and Gai all turned and stared at him like he had 4 heads. "I'm Hagrid by the way!" Gai got up and greeted him. "Nice to meet you sir, I'm Might Gai, these are my students Lee and Neji. Now, can you tell me exactly what happened to us? You know, with the gobelt and the portal and the-"

"WOAH! Calm down...I'm guessing you're professor at Hogwarts who had a little too much to drink. I'd be happy to escort you back to the school..."

"You mean the academy?!! You can take us back?! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much!" Gai hugged him and started crying. "Lee, Neji! This man can take us back!" Gai exaclaimed hysterically.

"Um, yes. I can. Now come along then."

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On the way to Hogwarts

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"I must say, I'm not familar with you three. Are you new recruits to Hogwarts?"

"Um, what is this...Hawg Warts?" Neji asked.

"Oh then you must be Muggle born."

"Muh- guhl?" Lee questioned.

"You know, people without magic!"

"We have chakra, but magic doesn't exist." Neji explained.

"MAGIC DOESN'T EXIST? Wow, you really must be drunk. But don't worry, when we get to the school the sorting hat will sort you into your houses and you can all get a good night's sleep."

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Hogwarts

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"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmm............Difficut, VERY difficult."

"Why the hell is there a hat on my head talking to me? Is this some sort of puppet technique?"

"No, Neji it is really maaaagic! Really, really, REEEALLLYYY maaaaagicc!" Lee said retartedly, waving his hands around like a lunatic." Neji made the most disgusted face he could make.

"Ah, I have it! Slytherin!" The hat exclaimed.

"Now, boy in the green suit. It is now your turn." An elderly man with a strangly long white beard annouced.

"Yayyyyyyyyyyy!" Lee shouted, sitting on a chair with the hat now sorting.

"This one's too easy...HUFFLEPUFF!"

After Lee heard this, Lee's happy expression faded into and angry frown. "But I want to be with my friend! Neji! I want to be with-"

"ENOUGH!" The bearded man shouted.

Now that you two have been sorted, it's off to bed with both of you...and as for you, Gai."

"Yes, sir?"

"You will have to be sobered up for tommorow. You will be our new defense against the dark arts teacher."

"Is that like Tai-jutsu?"

"Sure...yeah...just go the the Slytherin house with your students."

Lee squealed in delight and hugged Neji. Dumbledore rolled his eyes.

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After getting lost twice Dumbledore escourted them to Sytherin house.

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The next morning they awoke to the smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns. And this was followed by a man with shoulder length wavy black hair wearing a smock, holding a tray of pillsbury cinnamon buns, being followed by the Pilsbury Dough Boy.

"Weeehheee!" It shouted in Glee.

"Who wants icing on the cinnamon buns!?!?" Snape shouted flailing his arms, attempting not to drop the buns.

"MEEE!!" Crabbe and Goyle shouted flailing their overweight flabby arms in the air reaching for the icing-ed buns.

"Eww. It's not imported from the richest country OHEMGEE I refuse to eat this crap! It's like....MUGGLE FOOD!! IKY!!" A white-blonde haired boy from the washroom shouted who had been in their for hours fixing his lucious hair.

"Draco hurry up you've been in there for hours!! If you keep being so shallow Mouldy Voldy will come and get you when you're sleeping o_O" Snape shouted. "Your buns are getting cold!"

"Well excuuuuse me for moisterizing!!"

"Where is all my moisterizer gone!" Neji shouted, than quickly looked away hoping no one had heard him.

"I daare you to poke me..." The Pilsbury Dough Boy muttered coldly under his breath now sitting on Gai's chest.

"I DARE you to." His eyes glinted red.

"Quick Draco he's poking him RUUUUN!!! Crabbe and Goyle...EAT YOUR BUNS!!" Snape wrapped his arms around Draco's neck and carried him away running, than....POOOOOOOOOKE.

Gai had poked the P-Boy.

"Oh no you ditn't just go and poke P-Boy!" The Pilsbury Dough Boy said, his tone now sounding gansta rather than gay.

Then G- Man and The M-Man ((Gingerbread and muffin man)) came in with their arms crossed all gangsta like. "Oh you just went and vialated P-Boy."

All the Pastry men began singing together. "Because when I arrive, I I bring the fire!!"

And that was the death Of Team Guy.

Snape, His Smock and Draco safely made it to Kansas where they would forever be safe from Pastry men.

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Meanwhile in the sandstorm Desert...

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"Lord Danzo what do you think will happen if we touch this goblet?"

"I'm not sure Sai...Let's find out."

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THE END :^D (Beware the P-BOY)


End file.
